jebbypal

I've been following the blog-sphere about the new book that's out Mary Him- the case for settling for Mister Right. I'm sure most of you have seen it etc.

Based on the reviews that I've been reading of the topic/book, I have to say, I'm baffled at Gottlieb's conclusions. Then again, this may be more a reflection of the way I feel divorced from what pop culture says I should feel with regard to marriage and kids.

That being said, I have to say that if there was a time that I would have been more likely to "settle", it would have been in my early to mid-20s rather than now or later in my life. Lack of world experience, but also the cultural brain washing of my Mid-West life until I was 21 (which my parents were mostly successful to counterprogramming against) played a role in this. Growing up where everyone is expected to marry their high school sweetheart, and barring that (usually because you weren't lucky or pretty enough to have one), find a husband in college played a large role in this. Every guy I dated from college on, there was that "what-if" fantasy in the back of my head. I guess I should be thankful that none of them had similar ideas or ever thought of proposing because wow, that would have ended oh sooooooooo badly.

It really took meeting a guy (though this could have easily been any gender of friend) who unabashedly refused to settle for anything and encouraged me to do the same to help break that sort of thinking for me. That, and gradually reaching a point in my life where I could control something other than just my romantic decisions. Finding or receiving that type of agency takes time, but I think that if younger men and women could be made to feel like they had that sort of control over there life, early marriage, and other issues, would be less prevalent...then again we all know this because having that sort of control boosts one's self confidence which increases the chance that you'll look to yourself for fulfillment and happiness rather than waiting for someone else to pick you and fulfill all your dreams.

Of course, I guess I'm still a few years behind the target age of Gottlieb's advice, so perhaps there is the chance that more experience will change my mind. But at this point, I doubt it. While I still find rom-com movies entertaining, they are just as likely to piss me off. I still enjoy being single and I don't see that changing any time soon. And the whole kid issue, wow. If my biological clock ever made any noise, it was only due to the stated desire of my now ex-S.O. to actually have kids and my desire to have them in the biological timing of my body prior to when the risks for biological complications for me or the kid. Now that he's a very definite ex, I have a feeling he got the clock in the separation.

But then again, I've always felt out of step with pop-culture on the issue of kids. As a child/teen, I didn't dream or plan a wedding or fantasize about a future wedding dress. I only made up names for potential children when everyone else at the sleepover was doing it. And even when a young child was acting cherubic, in the back of my mind the image of the tantrums and screaming and teenage angst tempered any of the hypnotic qualities of the fresh baby smell.

Time will tell...

On DailyKos, a married woman tells of the hassles she had in getting Plan B, and the fact that she ended up pregnant after taking it.

I could only read through about ten of the comments before I had to stop. But, I can see the wheels grinding and can imagine how this will be interpreted by the far right:

1) Plan B is too painful to be an OTC medicine
2) It doesn't work.

To which, I must insert some knowledge into the fold. Knowledge which, any woman who has had a decent sex-ed class (a dying breed, I know), knows.

Plan B is effective if taken within 72 hours of the sexual activity, but this 72 hour window comes with limitations.

Ovulation occurs on a cycle. Plan B operates by interupting ovulation via an extra high dose of progesterone. If you've already ovulated, there is evidence that Plan B actually encourages ovulation (which, if you've had enough reproductive bio courses, should make sense to you --- that's the main function of progesterone during pregnancy!).

Okay, now if you look at hormones within the cycle, one can predict when you'll ovulate by knowing the last day of your period. It typically happens at the midpoint of the "normal" 3 week cycle before the next start of menstruation. Notice I said typically. Not everyone has a three week cycle. Also, some people have aberrant ovulation --- point of fact, my mother discovered after having issues getting pregnant that she ovulates near the end of her cycle. I've heard from friends who's mothers found the opposite.

So, if you have sex and you ovulate prior to being able to procure Plan B.....well, you're out of luck. Of course, if you have sex more than three days after you ovulate, you don't need Plan B. Sadly, even for a single woman, that changes from month to month as to the exact day. And for a number of women, we don't know if we've ovulated (some women reporting feeling a sharp back cramp when they do. Some).

So to review: Plan B does not cause abortions. It prevents egg release. No fertilization occurs, ergo no abortion. If Plan B is taken after ovulation, Plan B actually encourages implatation of the new embryo (I'm going to spell that out for the hard to convince anti-science types: IT WILL ENCOURAGE PREGNANCY).

This is why it is imperative that Plan B be easily available. At least, if you have any belief in a woman's control over her own body. If you don't, don't even talk to me.

And no, Plan B is not pleasant. But let me tell you something fellas, neither is birth control for the most part either. But you know what's more unpleasant: unwanted pregnancies. So, unless you anti-feminists are willing to create a way to carry the embryo in a man's body, please, STFU and stop refusing to give us medicine.

Death spurs Egypt's health ministry to ban female circumcision

Except, of course, for the fact that the health ministry can't make laws so the prohibition and promise of punishment is essentially meaningless unless Egypt's legislature passes a real law. Still...progress.