(no subject)
Mar. 3rd, 2005 07:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jebbypalSo I was too tired last nite, but I'll do it this time.
So after a day in which I actually started out almost in a kind of manic mood (OMG, I enjoyed listening to godsmack again. You have no idea how long it feels like since I've had the energy to enjoy listening to heavy music), I spent the rest of it getting more and more nervous as my meeting approached w/ the head of the thesis committee. True to form, no communication from Youhai in the form of email or person the entire time either. As 2 approached, I wasn't having panic attacks but I was getting nervous.
Went to talk the head and it went completely differently than anything I could have anticipated or planned for. Was actually a very short meeting, like 20 minutes at most. He was very frank and honest in that the committee felt like I'd made no progress since last year and that they weren't interested in assigning blame or pitting me against my boss. Their job was to help me and that was what they wanted to do regardless of what my choice was. Then he told me about my options. First there is the terminal masters --- fortunately my committee is brighter than my boss because he immediately said that it was obvious that I didn't seem to want this.
Option two almost made option one look good. He told me he wanted me to think about how much time I'd put into the new project objectively -- was it more than a month but less than a year? Since that is the case, he told me that this was what the committee felt was the most viable option (while stressing that it wasn't the one I had to choose): admit that the problems youhai and I have aren't going to be overcome and choose a new thesis lab. Taking this option he said also meant that I had to remember that this meant it would most likely be 2-3 years before I graduated as I would be starting from square one again.
Then the third option is to somehow magically get things to work between my boss and I. He said that it was apparent that for whatever reason, youhai and I don't mesh well. Of course, no blame to be assigned;)
Given these options, he's encouraged me to take time to think about them and to talk to plenty of people in the grad group to get opinions as well as ideas about potential labs that would be a good fit.
So those are my options. Really and truly, number one is not much of an option. To have put in this much pain to get a terminal masters which is almost worthless? I mean all a masters in biological related field means is that you have actual years experience in a lab versus a bachelors. So slightly higher pay but same potential ceiling and not a lot of variety in the type of jobs available. At least w/ a phd I have the option of saying to hell w/ science and entering the business world on equivalent footing w/ as an MBA degree has.
So I have 2 or 3. 2-3 years sounds extremely painful, but at the same time brian reminded me that I have to remember that if it's the right fit it might not be. It's just a question of whether that fit exists. I also know a lot more of the faculty NOT TO work w/ now than I did 3 years ago. But at the same time I'm so much more distrustful of the recommendations given to me by faculty.
Siiigh, first thing tomorrow I do have to corner youhai and talk to him if only to get his signature on my committee form. I'm definitely not burning any bridges at this point because I want to be able to stay if I can't find a lab that I feel is perfect and will guarantee me graduation in 2 years. Because having three people in a lab that I trust and work w/ is something that is difficult to leave for totally foreign territory. I also have to talk to the committee member whom was absent still and then I think I'll talk to a couple of others as well as look online this weekend to see if there are any labs that strike me as possibilities.
As I told brian last night, "Whatever doesn't kill us, doesn't kill us."
Fortunately my good mood is lasting still thank god. Unfortunately that means that brian's depression is either getting worse or I can simply see it better. I really hope that after he has his first committee meeting things get better for him.
Oh, and just to let you know, I've started putting my farscape episode review/thoughts posts in my memories in case anyone wants to see them. I've tracked down my last three so far.
And yeah, I'm excited about the end of the day tomorrow -- we're taking the xbox to trade it in for a ps2 so I'll have some games to play this weekend some....which is good since I don't get any more farscape till the 15th when the end of season 1 arrives.
Well, off to pay bills and see what I want to do tonite since no one is online to play w/. Ah..that sounds unsettling doesn't it? I'll leave it for entertainment value.
So after a day in which I actually started out almost in a kind of manic mood (OMG, I enjoyed listening to godsmack again. You have no idea how long it feels like since I've had the energy to enjoy listening to heavy music), I spent the rest of it getting more and more nervous as my meeting approached w/ the head of the thesis committee. True to form, no communication from Youhai in the form of email or person the entire time either. As 2 approached, I wasn't having panic attacks but I was getting nervous.
Went to talk the head and it went completely differently than anything I could have anticipated or planned for. Was actually a very short meeting, like 20 minutes at most. He was very frank and honest in that the committee felt like I'd made no progress since last year and that they weren't interested in assigning blame or pitting me against my boss. Their job was to help me and that was what they wanted to do regardless of what my choice was. Then he told me about my options. First there is the terminal masters --- fortunately my committee is brighter than my boss because he immediately said that it was obvious that I didn't seem to want this.
Option two almost made option one look good. He told me he wanted me to think about how much time I'd put into the new project objectively -- was it more than a month but less than a year? Since that is the case, he told me that this was what the committee felt was the most viable option (while stressing that it wasn't the one I had to choose): admit that the problems youhai and I have aren't going to be overcome and choose a new thesis lab. Taking this option he said also meant that I had to remember that this meant it would most likely be 2-3 years before I graduated as I would be starting from square one again.
Then the third option is to somehow magically get things to work between my boss and I. He said that it was apparent that for whatever reason, youhai and I don't mesh well. Of course, no blame to be assigned;)
Given these options, he's encouraged me to take time to think about them and to talk to plenty of people in the grad group to get opinions as well as ideas about potential labs that would be a good fit.
So those are my options. Really and truly, number one is not much of an option. To have put in this much pain to get a terminal masters which is almost worthless? I mean all a masters in biological related field means is that you have actual years experience in a lab versus a bachelors. So slightly higher pay but same potential ceiling and not a lot of variety in the type of jobs available. At least w/ a phd I have the option of saying to hell w/ science and entering the business world on equivalent footing w/ as an MBA degree has.
So I have 2 or 3. 2-3 years sounds extremely painful, but at the same time brian reminded me that I have to remember that if it's the right fit it might not be. It's just a question of whether that fit exists. I also know a lot more of the faculty NOT TO work w/ now than I did 3 years ago. But at the same time I'm so much more distrustful of the recommendations given to me by faculty.
Siiigh, first thing tomorrow I do have to corner youhai and talk to him if only to get his signature on my committee form. I'm definitely not burning any bridges at this point because I want to be able to stay if I can't find a lab that I feel is perfect and will guarantee me graduation in 2 years. Because having three people in a lab that I trust and work w/ is something that is difficult to leave for totally foreign territory. I also have to talk to the committee member whom was absent still and then I think I'll talk to a couple of others as well as look online this weekend to see if there are any labs that strike me as possibilities.
As I told brian last night, "Whatever doesn't kill us, doesn't kill us."
Fortunately my good mood is lasting still thank god. Unfortunately that means that brian's depression is either getting worse or I can simply see it better. I really hope that after he has his first committee meeting things get better for him.
Oh, and just to let you know, I've started putting my farscape episode review/thoughts posts in my memories in case anyone wants to see them. I've tracked down my last three so far.
And yeah, I'm excited about the end of the day tomorrow -- we're taking the xbox to trade it in for a ps2 so I'll have some games to play this weekend some....which is good since I don't get any more farscape till the 15th when the end of season 1 arrives.
Well, off to pay bills and see what I want to do tonite since no one is online to play w/. Ah..that sounds unsettling doesn't it? I'll leave it for entertainment value.
