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jebbypalSo I’d figure I’d do this as I went along as I’m going to put of the Camo and TLB commentaries so as to not distract the muse. But where to start…About mid-way through watching Farscape, I became obsessed with doing a Farscape/Firefly crossover. This was before the most recent multiverse challenge, and at that time, there weren’t many crossovers at all between the two shows. And I love crossovers.
The only problem was….I didn’t feel I had enough of a grasp of Farscape. I tried it in my head multiple ways and the most likely one and the one I liked the most involved Serenity being sucked into a wormhole..and meeting Moya. Only problem was, no plot after the initial meetings beyond me wanting to show River freak out when she saw Zhaan. I even gave it a try in hopes of getting a moment of inspiration, but well, I ended up with talking heads (some of you have seen that painful result).
But I still wanted it….I put it out of my head though and continued watching as much Farscape as possible. Frequently rewatching the plot point of Season 3 of “Eat Me” and “Infinite Possibilities”. From here on, there be spoilers ---
I was NEVER satisfied with how the writers had resolved the two Johns. Granted, I like how it worked etc, but I wanted to see MJ and TJ clash again. It seemed inevitable. And MJ was so striking in his longing and his knowledge that TJ had had something with Aeryn that he never would….even after S4, MJ knew this in his heart of hearts. Finally, my need to see this play out (and the fact I hadn’t seen anyone else do it) gave birth to what was originally a one-shot vignette, “Twin Regrets”. Except the night after I posted it, my muse came to me in it’s River guise and pointed out that this was actually the start of my long-wished for crossover. And the rest is, as they say, history.
Spoilers through Farscape Season three through "Infinite Possibilities", then AU; FF spoilers for the series)
Twin Regrets
POVs – John (1st person), Mal, Kaylee, Jayne, River
--A quick note on these. This was the first fic I wrote where I purposely limited myself as to POV. Ever since, I’ve regretted it because I sooo want to write me some Wash, but I’ve controlled myself. Anyways, John became first person because I wanted to be able to show the firefly verse much the way the farscape creators showed us the farscape verse---through his eyes. This new ‘verse is just as alien to John as the other, it’s just populated by honest to god humans. After that, I needed Mal’s POV --- he and John are such diametric opposites, though if they ever sit down and get drunk, I think they’ll bond. But still, John is always about what’s right (well, until S4) while Mal is all about what’s right for him or what situation he’s in. River….well, if you’ve read the story, something from River’s POV was needed. After that, I was at an odds…who else to use? Finally, because I wanted to be able to introduce non-Browncoats to the ‘verse and the people w/out having the observations seem contrived, I chose Kaylee and Jayne. Kaylee, because as Joss says, if Kaylee says it, then you know it’s true. And Jayne, because where Mal will just resent and do his alpha male routine with John, Jayne has shown a willingness to bond, even with people different from him – ie Book. Plus, well, Jayne gave me an extra edge into the triangle that has become Kaylee-John-Simon.
Prologue
I watch them. They try to avoid me, or even attempt to act all nonchalant if we happen to attend a meal at the same time. But I watch as much as I can.
--when I chose to do this in first person as well as present tense, it was something that my primary beta, mona, and I debated for a long time. The third person bits didn’t read well in present tense. Switching to past tense for John’s sections would be entirely feasible and probably wouldn’t have been a big deal. And if the first chapters had involved more third person, that’s probably the way we’d go. But by the end of Ch1, mona was in love with how I was writing the John sections and once I got to the big battle scene, well, it worked so well we couldn’t give it up. In retrospect, it makes my life a lot harder to remember how to do it, but it’s a fun experiment. And I haven’t heard any complaints.
I even rigged a camera up to a couple of the DRDs without Pilot realizing it. The feed isn't great, but it's enough to remind me of what I've lost. Of what he – the clone – stole.
--To me, this is so John. He has the skills and if he’s left out of the loop enough, he’d totally spy. And if TJ and Aeryn had come back together, that’s what he’d have been, even more so than when Aeryn came back alone and then Dog With Two Bones happened.
They've been back from Talyn for a couple of weekens now. In that time, they've been frelling inseparable. Attached at the hip, closer than Siamese twins. He's definitely the female Yoko. I thought he was afraid that Aeryn might get us confused if he loses sight of her for more than five microts. That delusion was ripped from me just like everything else yesterday. I didn't even get the chance to say anything before she asked, "What do you need, Crichton? And hurry, John's waiting for me in the maintenance bay." No hesitation, no nothing. Immediate recognition that I wasn't him.
--This was the thing about Dog With Two Bones that got to everyone I think – Aeryn’s inability to accept MJ as equal and the same as TJ. And it’s the type of thing I’d love to have seen thrown in MJ’s face if TJ had been alive. As it was, it was hard enough to see it happen with TJ dead.
I'm beyond even trying to convince anyone that he's the clone. It doesn't matter anymore. He got the girl and the life that I wanted. There's nothing left for me except to sit on the sidelines and watch. Nothing but what-if's and wishing every time I wake up in my quarters that I was lying where he is, beside Aeryn.
The episode after Eat Me (I forget the name), the one that would become MJ tried to have Sikouza prove that he was the original. Even after, there was always this need to prove he wasn’t a spare.
What if I hadn't given him blood after the explosion on Kanvia? Would Aeryn have ever been able to love me if he hadn't made it off Dam-da-ba alive? I find myself wishing for a little Luxan hyper-rage to take care of my problem for me. Or anything to make this entire nightmare disappear. After every shitty thing that has happened to me since arriving in this screwed up version of the Star Wars universe, it's not fair that he got to have the one experience that would have made up for all the dren that has happened to me.
--Obviously, I’m going on the assumption that seemed plausible that Aeryn and John never had sex till Moya. Browder and Black disagree with me on this, but that’s how the episodes play to me. And even after getting the girl, you have to know that MJ still regrets really missing that first time. We never really see MJ go through these thoughts since we know John always has to do the right things, but in this situation, I think he would have.
The worst of it is that Harvey won't let me harm the clone any more than he'll let me kill Scorpy. His program is to protect John Crichton and his creator. It doesn't make any distinction in the fact that there are two of us now. I've tried so hard to find a way around it, but Harvey never sleeps. Or if he does, Aeryn's there at the clone's side watching over him.
--You have to know that Harvey’s loving having a backup copy. Really! Finally, a little bit of breathing room from John’s suicidal magnet on his back. And the idea that Aeryn as well as Harvey is protecting the clone, well, heartwrenching.
A part of me almost wants to make sure she regrets it. Almost.
--I saw a little of this in S4 after John gets back together with most of the gang. This is when he developed his angry, destructive streak that was more than just residual Harvey insanity. This was when it almost seemed as if Harvey was trying to reign in the demons. And if TJ had been in the mix, I think a lot of that anger would have been directed at Aeryn. But something would have stopped MJ…for a while anyways.
The only problem was….I didn’t feel I had enough of a grasp of Farscape. I tried it in my head multiple ways and the most likely one and the one I liked the most involved Serenity being sucked into a wormhole..and meeting Moya. Only problem was, no plot after the initial meetings beyond me wanting to show River freak out when she saw Zhaan. I even gave it a try in hopes of getting a moment of inspiration, but well, I ended up with talking heads (some of you have seen that painful result).
But I still wanted it….I put it out of my head though and continued watching as much Farscape as possible. Frequently rewatching the plot point of Season 3 of “Eat Me” and “Infinite Possibilities”. From here on, there be spoilers ---
I was NEVER satisfied with how the writers had resolved the two Johns. Granted, I like how it worked etc, but I wanted to see MJ and TJ clash again. It seemed inevitable. And MJ was so striking in his longing and his knowledge that TJ had had something with Aeryn that he never would….even after S4, MJ knew this in his heart of hearts. Finally, my need to see this play out (and the fact I hadn’t seen anyone else do it) gave birth to what was originally a one-shot vignette, “Twin Regrets”. Except the night after I posted it, my muse came to me in it’s River guise and pointed out that this was actually the start of my long-wished for crossover. And the rest is, as they say, history.
Spoilers through Farscape Season three through "Infinite Possibilities", then AU; FF spoilers for the series)
Twin Regrets
POVs – John (1st person), Mal, Kaylee, Jayne, River
--A quick note on these. This was the first fic I wrote where I purposely limited myself as to POV. Ever since, I’ve regretted it because I sooo want to write me some Wash, but I’ve controlled myself. Anyways, John became first person because I wanted to be able to show the firefly verse much the way the farscape creators showed us the farscape verse---through his eyes. This new ‘verse is just as alien to John as the other, it’s just populated by honest to god humans. After that, I needed Mal’s POV --- he and John are such diametric opposites, though if they ever sit down and get drunk, I think they’ll bond. But still, John is always about what’s right (well, until S4) while Mal is all about what’s right for him or what situation he’s in. River….well, if you’ve read the story, something from River’s POV was needed. After that, I was at an odds…who else to use? Finally, because I wanted to be able to introduce non-Browncoats to the ‘verse and the people w/out having the observations seem contrived, I chose Kaylee and Jayne. Kaylee, because as Joss says, if Kaylee says it, then you know it’s true. And Jayne, because where Mal will just resent and do his alpha male routine with John, Jayne has shown a willingness to bond, even with people different from him – ie Book. Plus, well, Jayne gave me an extra edge into the triangle that has become Kaylee-John-Simon.
Prologue
I watch them. They try to avoid me, or even attempt to act all nonchalant if we happen to attend a meal at the same time. But I watch as much as I can.
--when I chose to do this in first person as well as present tense, it was something that my primary beta, mona, and I debated for a long time. The third person bits didn’t read well in present tense. Switching to past tense for John’s sections would be entirely feasible and probably wouldn’t have been a big deal. And if the first chapters had involved more third person, that’s probably the way we’d go. But by the end of Ch1, mona was in love with how I was writing the John sections and once I got to the big battle scene, well, it worked so well we couldn’t give it up. In retrospect, it makes my life a lot harder to remember how to do it, but it’s a fun experiment. And I haven’t heard any complaints.
I even rigged a camera up to a couple of the DRDs without Pilot realizing it. The feed isn't great, but it's enough to remind me of what I've lost. Of what he – the clone – stole.
--To me, this is so John. He has the skills and if he’s left out of the loop enough, he’d totally spy. And if TJ and Aeryn had come back together, that’s what he’d have been, even more so than when Aeryn came back alone and then Dog With Two Bones happened.
They've been back from Talyn for a couple of weekens now. In that time, they've been frelling inseparable. Attached at the hip, closer than Siamese twins. He's definitely the female Yoko. I thought he was afraid that Aeryn might get us confused if he loses sight of her for more than five microts. That delusion was ripped from me just like everything else yesterday. I didn't even get the chance to say anything before she asked, "What do you need, Crichton? And hurry, John's waiting for me in the maintenance bay." No hesitation, no nothing. Immediate recognition that I wasn't him.
--This was the thing about Dog With Two Bones that got to everyone I think – Aeryn’s inability to accept MJ as equal and the same as TJ. And it’s the type of thing I’d love to have seen thrown in MJ’s face if TJ had been alive. As it was, it was hard enough to see it happen with TJ dead.
I'm beyond even trying to convince anyone that he's the clone. It doesn't matter anymore. He got the girl and the life that I wanted. There's nothing left for me except to sit on the sidelines and watch. Nothing but what-if's and wishing every time I wake up in my quarters that I was lying where he is, beside Aeryn.
The episode after Eat Me (I forget the name), the one that would become MJ tried to have Sikouza prove that he was the original. Even after, there was always this need to prove he wasn’t a spare.
What if I hadn't given him blood after the explosion on Kanvia? Would Aeryn have ever been able to love me if he hadn't made it off Dam-da-ba alive? I find myself wishing for a little Luxan hyper-rage to take care of my problem for me. Or anything to make this entire nightmare disappear. After every shitty thing that has happened to me since arriving in this screwed up version of the Star Wars universe, it's not fair that he got to have the one experience that would have made up for all the dren that has happened to me.
--Obviously, I’m going on the assumption that seemed plausible that Aeryn and John never had sex till Moya. Browder and Black disagree with me on this, but that’s how the episodes play to me. And even after getting the girl, you have to know that MJ still regrets really missing that first time. We never really see MJ go through these thoughts since we know John always has to do the right things, but in this situation, I think he would have.
The worst of it is that Harvey won't let me harm the clone any more than he'll let me kill Scorpy. His program is to protect John Crichton and his creator. It doesn't make any distinction in the fact that there are two of us now. I've tried so hard to find a way around it, but Harvey never sleeps. Or if he does, Aeryn's there at the clone's side watching over him.
--You have to know that Harvey’s loving having a backup copy. Really! Finally, a little bit of breathing room from John’s suicidal magnet on his back. And the idea that Aeryn as well as Harvey is protecting the clone, well, heartwrenching.
A part of me almost wants to make sure she regrets it. Almost.
--I saw a little of this in S4 after John gets back together with most of the gang. This is when he developed his angry, destructive streak that was more than just residual Harvey insanity. This was when it almost seemed as if Harvey was trying to reign in the demons. And if TJ had been in the mix, I think a lot of that anger would have been directed at Aeryn. But something would have stopped MJ…for a while anyways.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-06 10:50 pm (UTC)Your version is wonderful because you construct poor MJ as sitting and watching, which I so can see. He watches everything. He becomes the cynic by Season 4 when all hope is lost. John without hope is a bitter, twisted man. Without his constant to keep him sane, I can see him slowly loosing it. And here you rub TJ and Aeryn in his face. You write his pain so well.
Great commentary.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-06 11:03 pm (UTC)