RESPECT is what I'm talking about

[jebbypal]

Siiiighhhh...today was pretty much one big day of frustration, anger, and pain. Frustration of course started when one of the lab issues was that a cd has been sent out by one of the universities facilities to explain to people how to be respectful of facility technicians. Meaning that just because you have a phd and are a postdoc does not make you god and lord over everyone w/out one so be courteous. You know, those kinds of things that "normal" people generally realize. I would say it was the whole chinese thing, but I know it's not.

Then lab meeting progressed....with my boss basically attacking me during my presentation. Granted, I was just throwing some stuff up there, but addressing me like a 2 year old about something that you HAVEN'T MENTIONED WHEN I'VE DISCUSSED MY PROBLEMS W/ THE TECHNIQUE is really kinda annoying. But oh well, hopefully it will be the last freaking presentation I have to give to him.

Then came the "grad student pep talk" by him. Which basically featured identifying every mistake I've ever made w/out referencing it directly to illustrate how to be a grad student. And dude, you totally shouldn't stare at me when you say "I really think that 95% of [the three of you] will get a phd with no problem". I am totally convinced that my bitch out session by my department head occured because my boss called him and said that "i told her to take the masters, but she won't listen to me. Will you talk some sense into her?" I don't know it for certain, but that is the definite impression I am getting.

Oh, and for the record, learned something very important today. While I already knew that it is necessary to have some form of respect for someone to have a healthy working relationship w/ them, I also now think that it is imperative to share some small piece of worldview as well. My boss and I have 180 degree opposite views, beliefs, and approaches to life. He sat there and lectured us on what he felt it was necessary to have to be a good scientist, succeed in science as career, or hell in any career for that matter, and it was all I could do to not stop him and argue with him. It is not necessary to sacrifice every piece of your personal/family life to succeed in a career generally..especially if you don't want to. There are ways around it..but yeah, sometimes they require sacrifices etc. But you can have a balanced life and succeed. I believe that. I refuse to believe otherwise. Granted, you may not achieve every piece of success you can otherwise, but there is more to "success" than just how your peers view you.

That was the other thing, he honestly thinks a "career" is a competition w/ everyone else in your field. Fuck. I gave up that viewpoint in high school dammit. Thinking like that is a surefire way to give yourself an ulcer. Granted, I'll admit that when you compete to attain a specific position, you are judged against your peers. But success in that job is achieving the goals you set --- not beating everyone else. Competing w/ the Jones's for possessions or success is a really bad world view in my opinion. Granted, it doesn't have to be everyone's opinion. But when your lab is as fucked up as his and you are telling me this load of bs, I can't swallow it. Really. every word that came out of his mouth was either a lie or proof that he lies to himself day in and day out about how things in the world operate.

And the number one thing I've learned from other professors, is that success in science only demands sacrifice of personal life if you let it. Granted, if you seek tenure at an academic institution and get on the grant writing wheel, things will be tough for a bit and may require that sacrifice in the short term. BUT NOT FOR YOUR ENTIRE CAREER. Sitting there and telling us that every successful scientist has problems maintaining a family if a load of bullshit. Just because your interpersonal skills and ability to balance your life suck doesn't mean our's has to.

Really, it boils down to realizing that not only do I have zero respect for the man, but that I don't agree w/ anything that he claims to be his philosophies. It was eye opening and probably good though -- realized that I must leave the lab one way or the other. If I can't get another lab to take me, fine I'll take the masters. it's better than putting up w/ his crap and being cut off at the knees just because I refuse to worship at the altar of almighty science. There is more to life than a career and I feel sorry for him that he thinks otherwise. I know this because my father had to work 14 hr days for a large portion of my childhood to support our family...and I know he regrets every minute of it that he couldn't spend more time w/ us. But he had the obligation to us and he fulfilled it to the best of his ability. I admire that. I don't admire someone who tries to tell me that it's impossible to change careers after the age of 30. Just because you convinced yourself that you are stuck where you are and you have to try to justify it by saying that you love science, doesn't mean that I don't' realize that I can change careers whenever I feel like it.

Okay...ending my rant now. Really looking forward to my meetings tomorrow so I can get the hell out of dysfunctional land. Sad that brian has to stay, but at least he has a good project.

Comments

[luridmuse.livejournal.com]

oooooh man hun, sounds like one seriously shitty day!! *hugs* I am crossing my fingers that you can get into another lab with a seriously less disfunctional boss!
*another hugs*