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jebbypal*bangs head*
I so don't know what to do other than to quit practically. I'm going to need to find some uppers or something to take during the committee meeting on monday to make it through w/out bawling (which the kicker is, get to go through the whole thing over again one on one w/ brian's former boss who hates him now cause she's on my committee). I mean, typing this paper...so painful and so been put off and being put off for so long cause I knew it was just going to throw in my face how painful the presentatin is.
I mean, I either get to show next to no data, or point out how I've been practically unable to show that my antibody works at all!! Which to add to the pain, the experiment that I'd really really needed to work for something else pretty much failed completely for whatever reason today. So another piece of data not to show.
And the new project, I'll only be showing the data that is almost a year old that brian did when he first got to the lab cause the frigging plasmid still refuses to frigging clone. Which has brian beating his head againsta a wall since we've only been wasting time w/ it for like 3 frigging months w/out an ounce of progress and he has no clue what is wrong even though this is something he used to do day in and day out for over a year.
So we're both frustrated and sick about it so not exactly easy to commiserate or ask for help on how the hell to spin my shit when I know it just sucks him further down the black hole of despair that he's been in for probably longer than I have in some ways...just he's only recently reached the point of no hope that I've been spiraling faster than he has. And don't even count talking to parents cause they'll just freak and my mom would probably end up in the hospital. I know she's worrying enough as it is since I'm sooo avoiding talking to her cause I just don't have the energy to put any fake into it.
And RL friends are no help (no offence) cause they are all just "oh you'll graduate" and asking if i won't be able to take a month off before starting a job to come visit them places. Hello!! No savings people ..... large credit card bills.....must have income constantly.
Let me tell you, higher education sucks just as badly as entering the workforce. Every soul sucking property that the worst workplace has, academia possesses as well. It just depends on whether you are idealistic and/or dumb enough to convince yourself that what you do matters. I'm not. But dammit, i've put too much into this hell not to want that piece of paper a little. And well frankly scared shitless of entering the world w/out it. But at this point it couldn't hurt anymore except that if I just quit I know brian will lose respect for me. And if I get kicked out, I know how angry/depressed/etc he'll be.
Lose lose unless I manage to figure out what the frell to do. Gaah. Gotta escape into farscape while i eat if I'm going to have any appetite at all. Although that's what I've done most of the night too.
Who rutting cares how well written this frigging thing is...sigh. I don't.
ETA Okay...somewhat calmer after watching Out of Their Minds. Somewhat.
I so don't know what to do other than to quit practically. I'm going to need to find some uppers or something to take during the committee meeting on monday to make it through w/out bawling (which the kicker is, get to go through the whole thing over again one on one w/ brian's former boss who hates him now cause she's on my committee). I mean, typing this paper...so painful and so been put off and being put off for so long cause I knew it was just going to throw in my face how painful the presentatin is.
I mean, I either get to show next to no data, or point out how I've been practically unable to show that my antibody works at all!! Which to add to the pain, the experiment that I'd really really needed to work for something else pretty much failed completely for whatever reason today. So another piece of data not to show.
And the new project, I'll only be showing the data that is almost a year old that brian did when he first got to the lab cause the frigging plasmid still refuses to frigging clone. Which has brian beating his head againsta a wall since we've only been wasting time w/ it for like 3 frigging months w/out an ounce of progress and he has no clue what is wrong even though this is something he used to do day in and day out for over a year.
So we're both frustrated and sick about it so not exactly easy to commiserate or ask for help on how the hell to spin my shit when I know it just sucks him further down the black hole of despair that he's been in for probably longer than I have in some ways...just he's only recently reached the point of no hope that I've been spiraling faster than he has. And don't even count talking to parents cause they'll just freak and my mom would probably end up in the hospital. I know she's worrying enough as it is since I'm sooo avoiding talking to her cause I just don't have the energy to put any fake into it.
And RL friends are no help (no offence) cause they are all just "oh you'll graduate" and asking if i won't be able to take a month off before starting a job to come visit them places. Hello!! No savings people ..... large credit card bills.....must have income constantly.
Let me tell you, higher education sucks just as badly as entering the workforce. Every soul sucking property that the worst workplace has, academia possesses as well. It just depends on whether you are idealistic and/or dumb enough to convince yourself that what you do matters. I'm not. But dammit, i've put too much into this hell not to want that piece of paper a little. And well frankly scared shitless of entering the world w/out it. But at this point it couldn't hurt anymore except that if I just quit I know brian will lose respect for me. And if I get kicked out, I know how angry/depressed/etc he'll be.
Lose lose unless I manage to figure out what the frell to do. Gaah. Gotta escape into farscape while i eat if I'm going to have any appetite at all. Although that's what I've done most of the night too.
Who rutting cares how well written this frigging thing is...sigh. I don't.
ETA Okay...somewhat calmer after watching Out of Their Minds. Somewhat.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-21 08:57 pm (UTC)Is there something we can do? I mean, I know the situation is one of those practically un-winable ones, but I'd still like to help.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-23 02:16 pm (UTC)If theres anything I can do, Im here! just yell...and no eye rolling, I need the stupid things to much to read fanfics and flist posts :) so youre safe.
Off to pray to the gods of science for you, or maybe smack them around alittle with a large winnabago to see if that helps any!
(no subject)
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