Commentary - Twin Regrets Ch2
Dec. 6th, 2005 11:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jebbypalChapter 2: Emotional Baggage
--Hey, it’s MJ and he’s fixing to travel. What else would I name this chapter??
I can't think, I can't move. I try to stay awake to avoid these damn things and they ambush me! Worse, these dreams are in no way restful. Hell, I've run marathons that were more restful than that last one. Geez.
--Cause really, we all know River is that annoying kid that pokes you to ask if you are paying attention. You know she wouldn’t give him any mercy.
Everything definitely points to this kid not being a Peacekeeper. Hell, I'd almost reckon that the suits aren't even Sebacean. Yeah, I know, not all Sebaceans are born into military service like Aeryn, but still. Those kids, they just interacted and felt like humans. Real, honest-to-God, red-blooded humans. No heat delirium, no translator microbes, just humans.
--John’s still trying to figure it all out, but this was one of the reasons I had River include normal memories. Earth-like memories.
Then again, the fact that this kid is talking to me in my dreams points to her being something other than your run of the mill human. Of course, maybe all the aliens are right and I'm just a mental-deficient.
--If it walks, talks like a duck..wait, it’s a dream duck. Confused John is cute too.
"It's pointless, you know. Whatever she is doesn't matter. If you had even half the mental strength of most Luxans, this child wouldn't be harassing you every time you closed your eyes," Harvey mocks me.
--And of course, Harvey really doesn’t like River. He doesn’t want to lose his back-up.
I resist the urge to bang my head against my pillow. Sadly, hurting myself has no effect on the neural clone of Scorpius, mastermind and creator the Aurora Chair. Also known as the asshole responsible for carving up my brain and leaving me for dead after killing the only Sebacean other than Aeryn that I gave a damn about.
--I’m talking about Gilina of course. And trying to give points of reference of Firefly only people (also known as the fact that Mona, my beta, had only started on Farscape S1. I’d already spoiled her silly, had to make sure she could understand it.
Harvey's all heart. He stuck around even after the neural chip was removed and is still dedicated to ensuring that I'm alive and that I'm not allowed to harm his master. Frelling drannit is a busybody. Always sticks his nose in my business.
"That is because I'm in your business. And if you would just exert the least bit of effort to manage it…or come to your senses and give,"
"Neither you or Scorpy is gonna get the door prize. No wormholes for the umpteenth time," I yell back as I'm transported to the mental garden that Harvey has decided to inhabit today. Hezmanna, he's frelling playing in that kid's childhood garden. Somehow, I doubt that she'd appreciate this very much.
"It's not like she can do anything about it. I'm still unconvinced that this child is anything more than a symptom of your trauma," Harvey says as he begins to stroll through the garden. It's patterned after some English garden I remember seeing with my mother that summer we took a vacation to see her folks.
I pull him back onto the path before he can walk through an arrangement of budding lilies. "I'd watch what you say. You underestimated this human and look what happened." I rise from my bed and start to go about my day as he splutters in indignation. Pilot wants me to check some of his neural conduits today and I don't really feel like having anyone lecture me about being late.
--Heh. Yes, Harvey’s always underestimating someone. Harvey, John, and River, remind me how no one wrote this fic before I did? Also, the neural conduit is a nod to the events prior to the ice planet and Aeryn’s “death”. Just felt fitting.
"I need your help," she says quickly.
What the hell? Where did the frelling conduit disappear to? Or the spanner I was using? I so do not want to have that inside my leg when I wake up. "Whoah, whoah. Slow down a little bit. I like for a woman to reveal all of her mystery to me before I start rescuing her."
"No time, or rather it's all relative, but I need you. You're the key to the proof, the optimal solution. You need to come."
We're…I don't know where we are. Definitely not Moya, no torture devices present for once, and it's definitely not Kansas. We're standing in what looks like a kitchen…except it's all metal except for the wood table next to us. Odd. Very, very odd. "Look, pretend I'm the biggest thoddo you've ever met and go slow for me, okay? Let's start with a name maybe?"
--Boing! Enter Serenity, she might not be alive. But she’s still a character.
"River Tam. And I already showed you the relevant data. The calculations obviously point to you being necessary. I need you or the theorem will take him from me forever."
--She’s getting impatient, John. Hee. And I just have to say, it was oh so nice to have all the begging for the details about Simon a many chapters before my reveal.
"God, I could use a cup of coffee. Okay, fine. Where do you need me? Do you have coordinates? Or perhaps a specific city?" Suddenly a cup of steaming black liquid appears on the table beside me. I pull out the chair as the aroma hypnotizes me. Now this is the kind of dream that I like!
--Ah river, she’s not above bribery.
"Irrelevant. The portal will open in two days and take you to the appropriate place. Hopefully the timing will work out…it's the right year, but Schroedinger's work makes it impossible to predict the exact hour of your arrival. It opens in two days, you'll feel it."
All of a sudden, the coffee seems pretty damned pointless. The portal…she's talking about wormholes! "Wormholes, you mean a wormhole will bring me to you? A wormhole is opening to Earth in two days? Oh god, that's great! Chocolate, the World Series, shit…has the Superbowl already been played this year?"
---Sadly, the vacant eyed guy Einstein didn’t make appearance till S4ish (I think). So I couldn’t do a lot of things that came into my mind since I did want to adhere to canon at least till I went AU.
My questions clearly puzzle her. "The games of Earth-That-Was are of no importance! You need to find Serenity. Her captain won't trust you, but you have to come! Please!"
My heart stops with her words. After she says "Earth-That-Was", my brain doesn't really process anything. Earth is gone? How? "Look honey, football is always important. And what do you mean there is no Earth? Where the hell are you at if you aren't on Earth?" I hold up my hand to stop her from replying. "You know forget it for now. What in the hell am I supposed to be able to save you from if you aren't even on Earth?"
--No Earth. No Earth. Can’t you just see John’s face here? I wanted to make it into a bigger deal, but the writing fell flat when I tried.
"Two by Two, Hands of Blue, They keep coming after what he took, want me back. Two by two,"
--And John’s intro to our favorite Firefly nursery rhyme. As well as more allusions.
I wake up just before I lose my balance and tumble several tiers to my death. I'm beginning to think I'll go through the wormhole just so I can sleep without having the kid's, River's, freaky ass dreams every time I fall asleep.
Damn though. No football, no Earth, no home.
Looking up, I see Aeryn and the clone walk into an adjacent corridor.
Frell, it's not as if I have a home here anymore either.
--And I bang the theme on the head again. No Earth is hard to swallow for John. But in the face of no Aeryn, it doesn’t seem so important.
I start packing almost immediately. Harvey isn't happy with the decision, but after a few rounds of being stuffed in the mental garbage can, he keeps his opinions to himself. As I list what I might need and begin my preparations, I wonder how long I'll manage to do so in relative peace. Moya is a big ship, but the rest of the crew isn't exactly oblivious. Okay, Rygel can be if you give him enough food, but the rest are pretty observant.
Clothes are a definite. Plus the basic necessities. I pause, a little lost, as I debate whether to take a dentic with me. I've never missed the simplicity of a toothbrush as much as I do right now. I have no desire to go around for god knows how long with teeth scum, yet I somehow doubt that they have the same creature wherever I'm headed. I have no qualms about taking a pulse pistol with me, but an alien life form might make those in power look too hard at me if anything happens. Decided, I leave the dentics in their home and pack the rest of my toiletries.
--The logistics of packing were important to me given how much effort the Farscape universe made things like brushing your teeth so alien. But John’s had a little too much fun to do too much to make himself stand out. Still, he’s leaving one woman behind, there’s no way he’s going to abandon Wynona.
The basics taken care of, I realize that someone will definitely notice my activities soon. While I plan on taking several weapons, I'm definitely taking Wynona. He might have gotten Aeryn, but I'm not going to let him have everything! That's a fight that I can wait to have though. First, to grab some food cubes and stow my gear in the module, and then a treasure hunt before regaining my property.
--Gotta have some cash, and that means raiding Rygel’s room. Anyone who wants to write a missing scene of Rygel’s reaction, feel free.
Everything goes fine and I avoid running into anyone on my errands…at least until the end of the treasure hunt. I exit Dominar Rygel's quarters only to run smack into Chiana. Couldn't be D'Argo, Jool, or anyone else that I could bluff. No, it has to be Chiana.
--Important to remember, John doesn’t hide much from Chiana. Plus, this is post energy-rider, so it’s hard to hide much from her.
"What'cha up to, Old Man?" she asks with a knowing leer as she tries to look inside my cloth bag before I get it tied shut.
"Nothing, Pip. Just making sure that Fluffy has been keeping his flippers to himself."
"So what have you got there? Did he 'appropriate' anything interesting this time?" She dances around me to grab the bag before I even have a chance to obfuscate an answer.
"Nothing, hey give it back," I order as I grab for it, but her gray body moves too fast.
--ahh, the fun of sibling rivalry.
Her puzzled look is all I need to know that she's glimpsed the gold inside. "What are you –,"
Hearing the approach of Rygel's hoversled, I grab her and cover her mouth while pulling her quickly into a nearby empty cell. "Quiet!" I whisper in her ear. Several tense seconds pass before I hear snores start up nearby. Bless Sparky's predictable little heart.
--and another head bow to what happened in Crackers episode.
"What the frell is going on, Crichton?" Chiana demands quietly as she pushes out of my arms.
Damn, I'm going to miss her.
"Not here, I'll explain on the way." With that, I silently lead her through several corridors. I feel her stare with every step. Of all of them, Chiana can probably read me the best. Hell, we probably understand each other the best. Each of us knows, or at least hopes, that the people most important to us in the world outside of this ship are living their lives happily without us. It's not a pleasant bond to share.
--Another conscious bang on the theme nail
"Look, you know things have been…tense since the others returned from Talyn. It's not getting any better, Pip, and it kills me a little more each day to watch it. I'm going to take the module and leave Moya," I explain gently as we near the hangar.
"Hey, that's fine. I can understand that. I'll come with you, it'll be a blast."
--Oh god, everyone’s worst nightmare. John and Chiana loose on the galaxy.
I lock my jaw to prevent every curse I know from issuing out of my mouth. I knew she'd make this hard. The girl loves adventure and travel. She'd jump at the chance to take a break from the closed confines of Moya.
"You don't understand, Pip. I'm not coming back," I say just as we enter the hangar.
Chiana lets the door shut before grabbing my arm. "You mean you're really going to do it? You're gonna fly back through the wormhole to Earp?"
"Earth. And not exactly."
Her hands plant themselves on her hips and I have to suppress a smile. She'd probably kill me if I said that sometimes she does a wonderful imitation of my sister calling me on a stupid idea. "How 'not exactly'?"
--Chiana’s getting pissed. Something bad is going on and she doesn’t like it. And you can see in her face that she’s wondering if she needs to comm. Aeryn and shut the whole thing down.
"I'm going through a wormhole, but I don't think Earth is around to go to anymore."
"So you're just going to fly through a wormhole and see where you end up, once again? That's the most fahrbot…" she trails off as her face registers her realization. "Wait, you know exactly where you're going, don't you? Crichton, after everything we did to rescue you from Scorpius, you better not-,"
And now she’s worried that he’s suiciding.
"Relax, Pip, I'm not going to turn my research services over to Leather-Face. But yeah, I've got a pretty good idea of where I'm going."
"And you aren't coming back. What is it? You know it's not easy to find a place like Moya or people…," she says. Shit, she's going to cry. I know it. I can't watch so I stalk over to the module and hide the currency; hopefully it will be valid wherever I'm headed.
"I know, Pip, and I wish things had worked out differently. But I need to do this. Not just for me," I tell her.
She's standing so close to me that I almost trip over her when I turn around. Her hand cradles my face and I cover it with my own. Her gloves are as soft as I remember. Every muscle in her hand and arm tenses as I watch her eyes flash white briefly. They've been doing that ever since that damn energy rider took over her body. Usually she gets a flash of the near future when it happens.
Just as suddenly, her body relaxes and she reaches out with her other hand to steady herself. "Wow. You're right, you really do need to go," she says with new understanding. "Tell her about all of us after you save her, k?" she requests before kissing my cheek and leaving.
--You know Chiana wasn’t going to let him leave without knowing he was going to be safe. Yet, John isn’t exactly comforted to be told that his dreams aren’t just dreams.
Huh. Guess I'm not losing my mind after all. Somehow, I'm comforted. But most of my packing is done and I still have almost a day left. I can feel the wormhole out there now, a gentle pulse reassuring me occasionally that the ship is traveling in the right direction. I need to get some rest and get Wynona back.
Then I'll be ready.
After a dream-free night (thank you, River, for realizing sleep would be a good thing before flying through an astronomical phenomena), I spend the next day carefully watching the steps of the clone. The DRDs obey my commands and I dog his every movement. Still, Wynona is never far from his reach. It's beginning to look like I'll have to abandon her to TJ when a knock on my locked door interrupts me.
Time to go hunting! Where’s that rascally wabbit?
Seeing the other standing there is a shock, but I recover quickly by throwing a blanket over the vid screen even as I turn it off. "What's up, bro?" I say as I open the door.
Even now, I'm still weirded out to see myself standing in front of me. Do I really make those faces when I'm trying to decide what to say? "I ran into Chiana. D'Argo mentioned she was acting really weird," he says.
--Surreal, much?
"Oh?"
"It took a while, but Aeryn finally got the truth out of her." Aeryn. Frell. I have to hand it to them, they know how run a good double team. Bile rises as I remember what it was like to be a part of it. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You're planning on just taking my module?"
--Again with the theme. Hopefully I didn’t overdo it (I probably shouldn’t be pointing it out so much). And some righteous indignation, cause Browder does it so well.
His vehemence is sudden. I step back from it even as I know he's nowhere as close to swinging as I am. "You mean OUR module! From what I heard, it's not as if it's going to be too hard for you to rebuild it. Yeah, Sparky mentioned that replica from Dam-da-ba and how you have all that knowledge unlocked now. I guess I should just step aside and let you take Aeryn back to Earth even though you didn't have to work at it."
--Don’t ask how TJ surivived…he just did. Plus my protagonist is MJ.
His expression says that he thinks so. I pray that Chiana didn't tell them all of the truth 'cause I'll only get one chance.
--And it’s Chiana on his side backing his game instead of Aeryn. A glimpse of what could have been if MJ could have stood to stay.
"I'm sure as hell not going to let you destroy it with whatever insane scheme you've cooked up. You can stick around until after we build another module. It's not going to kill you to stay another few monens," he declares.
I punch him just as he turns to leave. Having Aeryn, all of her, has made him a tad too relaxed and I easily deliver a flawless Pantak jab. I wince as his head glances off the edge of the bed.
--Score! You know he enjoyed that just a little too much.
Checking the clock, I see that things have actually gone according to plan. I still have a quarter of an arn, check that, a quarter of an hour to make it to the hangar before Chiana ensures that no one follows me. I grab Wynona and return her to her rightful holster. I feel better already.
My celebratory mood lasts only microts. When I reach the hangar, Aeryn is standing in front of the module. This is so not what I need right now. Her eyes briefly flicker down to my hip where my holster is hanging heavy once again. "What? He can't get both of you."
--Theme. And as always, Aeryn’s the only adult.
"It's not a contest, Crichton."
"Right. Somehow I still managed to lose, Sun."
--Burn.
"So that's it then. Things don't go perfectly and you run away?"
--A reference to what Aeryn always does post-TJ.
It hurts to look at her. It will hurt a hell of a lot more to leave the same area of the universe and never see her again. "Yeah, cause I've run away so much. As I recall, that running caused me to get multiple foreign objects lodged in my head."
"Crichton…John, just stay until he gets it copied. It won't be that long." She starts to reach out as she says the words, but I knock her hand away and rapidly move out of striking distance. She might not be mine anymore, but I know just how quick and accurate her punches are.
"Yeah, well maybe it's time that he learns that he can't always have what he wants," I reply.
"Almost there, Old Man. Hang on a microt," Chiana's voice orders.
Aeryn's eyes widen, but I already know she's coming to the wrong conclusion. I'm counting on the fact that she thinks that I would never do anything to damage Moya, and she's right, John wouldn't. But I know in her eyes, I'm just Crichton.
--And theme. And John’s realization of what it will require to make a clean break. Yet he still hopes that Aeryn will forgive him.
The stop is violent. I showed Chiana how to disable Pilot's navigational controls and take manual control of the ship. I also rigged a small device to cripple starburst and the hetch drive as soon as she disables the docking web. I hate leaving them vulnerable, but I tried to limit the scope of damage so that, with a bit of luck, the repairs will be quick.
Chiana's manual stop does the trick. Aeryn pitches forward as she loses her balance. It's simple to push her just enough that her head strikes the side of the module. Now both she and the clone are unconscious. D'Argo might be able to pursue me in Lola, but I hope that my surprises and Chiana will enough stop him.
Out of time, I move Aeryn's body to safety. It's as hard to take my eyes off her face now as it was on the ice planet. "Goodbye, Aeryn Sun."
--I actually teared up writing this. Despite loving Chiana/John, it’s hard to do anything to the Aeryn/John OTP.
The module's control panel is blurry as I begin the ignition sequence, but I ignore it. There's a wormhole out there with my name on it.
--Hey, it’s MJ and he’s fixing to travel. What else would I name this chapter??
I can't think, I can't move. I try to stay awake to avoid these damn things and they ambush me! Worse, these dreams are in no way restful. Hell, I've run marathons that were more restful than that last one. Geez.
--Cause really, we all know River is that annoying kid that pokes you to ask if you are paying attention. You know she wouldn’t give him any mercy.
Everything definitely points to this kid not being a Peacekeeper. Hell, I'd almost reckon that the suits aren't even Sebacean. Yeah, I know, not all Sebaceans are born into military service like Aeryn, but still. Those kids, they just interacted and felt like humans. Real, honest-to-God, red-blooded humans. No heat delirium, no translator microbes, just humans.
--John’s still trying to figure it all out, but this was one of the reasons I had River include normal memories. Earth-like memories.
Then again, the fact that this kid is talking to me in my dreams points to her being something other than your run of the mill human. Of course, maybe all the aliens are right and I'm just a mental-deficient.
--If it walks, talks like a duck..wait, it’s a dream duck. Confused John is cute too.
"It's pointless, you know. Whatever she is doesn't matter. If you had even half the mental strength of most Luxans, this child wouldn't be harassing you every time you closed your eyes," Harvey mocks me.
--And of course, Harvey really doesn’t like River. He doesn’t want to lose his back-up.
I resist the urge to bang my head against my pillow. Sadly, hurting myself has no effect on the neural clone of Scorpius, mastermind and creator the Aurora Chair. Also known as the asshole responsible for carving up my brain and leaving me for dead after killing the only Sebacean other than Aeryn that I gave a damn about.
--I’m talking about Gilina of course. And trying to give points of reference of Firefly only people (also known as the fact that Mona, my beta, had only started on Farscape S1. I’d already spoiled her silly, had to make sure she could understand it.
Harvey's all heart. He stuck around even after the neural chip was removed and is still dedicated to ensuring that I'm alive and that I'm not allowed to harm his master. Frelling drannit is a busybody. Always sticks his nose in my business.
"That is because I'm in your business. And if you would just exert the least bit of effort to manage it…or come to your senses and give,"
"Neither you or Scorpy is gonna get the door prize. No wormholes for the umpteenth time," I yell back as I'm transported to the mental garden that Harvey has decided to inhabit today. Hezmanna, he's frelling playing in that kid's childhood garden. Somehow, I doubt that she'd appreciate this very much.
"It's not like she can do anything about it. I'm still unconvinced that this child is anything more than a symptom of your trauma," Harvey says as he begins to stroll through the garden. It's patterned after some English garden I remember seeing with my mother that summer we took a vacation to see her folks.
I pull him back onto the path before he can walk through an arrangement of budding lilies. "I'd watch what you say. You underestimated this human and look what happened." I rise from my bed and start to go about my day as he splutters in indignation. Pilot wants me to check some of his neural conduits today and I don't really feel like having anyone lecture me about being late.
--Heh. Yes, Harvey’s always underestimating someone. Harvey, John, and River, remind me how no one wrote this fic before I did? Also, the neural conduit is a nod to the events prior to the ice planet and Aeryn’s “death”. Just felt fitting.
"I need your help," she says quickly.
What the hell? Where did the frelling conduit disappear to? Or the spanner I was using? I so do not want to have that inside my leg when I wake up. "Whoah, whoah. Slow down a little bit. I like for a woman to reveal all of her mystery to me before I start rescuing her."
"No time, or rather it's all relative, but I need you. You're the key to the proof, the optimal solution. You need to come."
We're…I don't know where we are. Definitely not Moya, no torture devices present for once, and it's definitely not Kansas. We're standing in what looks like a kitchen…except it's all metal except for the wood table next to us. Odd. Very, very odd. "Look, pretend I'm the biggest thoddo you've ever met and go slow for me, okay? Let's start with a name maybe?"
--Boing! Enter Serenity, she might not be alive. But she’s still a character.
"River Tam. And I already showed you the relevant data. The calculations obviously point to you being necessary. I need you or the theorem will take him from me forever."
--She’s getting impatient, John. Hee. And I just have to say, it was oh so nice to have all the begging for the details about Simon a many chapters before my reveal.
"God, I could use a cup of coffee. Okay, fine. Where do you need me? Do you have coordinates? Or perhaps a specific city?" Suddenly a cup of steaming black liquid appears on the table beside me. I pull out the chair as the aroma hypnotizes me. Now this is the kind of dream that I like!
--Ah river, she’s not above bribery.
"Irrelevant. The portal will open in two days and take you to the appropriate place. Hopefully the timing will work out…it's the right year, but Schroedinger's work makes it impossible to predict the exact hour of your arrival. It opens in two days, you'll feel it."
All of a sudden, the coffee seems pretty damned pointless. The portal…she's talking about wormholes! "Wormholes, you mean a wormhole will bring me to you? A wormhole is opening to Earth in two days? Oh god, that's great! Chocolate, the World Series, shit…has the Superbowl already been played this year?"
---Sadly, the vacant eyed guy Einstein didn’t make appearance till S4ish (I think). So I couldn’t do a lot of things that came into my mind since I did want to adhere to canon at least till I went AU.
My questions clearly puzzle her. "The games of Earth-That-Was are of no importance! You need to find Serenity. Her captain won't trust you, but you have to come! Please!"
My heart stops with her words. After she says "Earth-That-Was", my brain doesn't really process anything. Earth is gone? How? "Look honey, football is always important. And what do you mean there is no Earth? Where the hell are you at if you aren't on Earth?" I hold up my hand to stop her from replying. "You know forget it for now. What in the hell am I supposed to be able to save you from if you aren't even on Earth?"
--No Earth. No Earth. Can’t you just see John’s face here? I wanted to make it into a bigger deal, but the writing fell flat when I tried.
"Two by Two, Hands of Blue, They keep coming after what he took, want me back. Two by two,"
--And John’s intro to our favorite Firefly nursery rhyme. As well as more allusions.
I wake up just before I lose my balance and tumble several tiers to my death. I'm beginning to think I'll go through the wormhole just so I can sleep without having the kid's, River's, freaky ass dreams every time I fall asleep.
Damn though. No football, no Earth, no home.
Looking up, I see Aeryn and the clone walk into an adjacent corridor.
Frell, it's not as if I have a home here anymore either.
--And I bang the theme on the head again. No Earth is hard to swallow for John. But in the face of no Aeryn, it doesn’t seem so important.
I start packing almost immediately. Harvey isn't happy with the decision, but after a few rounds of being stuffed in the mental garbage can, he keeps his opinions to himself. As I list what I might need and begin my preparations, I wonder how long I'll manage to do so in relative peace. Moya is a big ship, but the rest of the crew isn't exactly oblivious. Okay, Rygel can be if you give him enough food, but the rest are pretty observant.
Clothes are a definite. Plus the basic necessities. I pause, a little lost, as I debate whether to take a dentic with me. I've never missed the simplicity of a toothbrush as much as I do right now. I have no desire to go around for god knows how long with teeth scum, yet I somehow doubt that they have the same creature wherever I'm headed. I have no qualms about taking a pulse pistol with me, but an alien life form might make those in power look too hard at me if anything happens. Decided, I leave the dentics in their home and pack the rest of my toiletries.
--The logistics of packing were important to me given how much effort the Farscape universe made things like brushing your teeth so alien. But John’s had a little too much fun to do too much to make himself stand out. Still, he’s leaving one woman behind, there’s no way he’s going to abandon Wynona.
The basics taken care of, I realize that someone will definitely notice my activities soon. While I plan on taking several weapons, I'm definitely taking Wynona. He might have gotten Aeryn, but I'm not going to let him have everything! That's a fight that I can wait to have though. First, to grab some food cubes and stow my gear in the module, and then a treasure hunt before regaining my property.
--Gotta have some cash, and that means raiding Rygel’s room. Anyone who wants to write a missing scene of Rygel’s reaction, feel free.
Everything goes fine and I avoid running into anyone on my errands…at least until the end of the treasure hunt. I exit Dominar Rygel's quarters only to run smack into Chiana. Couldn't be D'Argo, Jool, or anyone else that I could bluff. No, it has to be Chiana.
--Important to remember, John doesn’t hide much from Chiana. Plus, this is post energy-rider, so it’s hard to hide much from her.
"What'cha up to, Old Man?" she asks with a knowing leer as she tries to look inside my cloth bag before I get it tied shut.
"Nothing, Pip. Just making sure that Fluffy has been keeping his flippers to himself."
"So what have you got there? Did he 'appropriate' anything interesting this time?" She dances around me to grab the bag before I even have a chance to obfuscate an answer.
"Nothing, hey give it back," I order as I grab for it, but her gray body moves too fast.
--ahh, the fun of sibling rivalry.
Her puzzled look is all I need to know that she's glimpsed the gold inside. "What are you –,"
Hearing the approach of Rygel's hoversled, I grab her and cover her mouth while pulling her quickly into a nearby empty cell. "Quiet!" I whisper in her ear. Several tense seconds pass before I hear snores start up nearby. Bless Sparky's predictable little heart.
--and another head bow to what happened in Crackers episode.
"What the frell is going on, Crichton?" Chiana demands quietly as she pushes out of my arms.
Damn, I'm going to miss her.
"Not here, I'll explain on the way." With that, I silently lead her through several corridors. I feel her stare with every step. Of all of them, Chiana can probably read me the best. Hell, we probably understand each other the best. Each of us knows, or at least hopes, that the people most important to us in the world outside of this ship are living their lives happily without us. It's not a pleasant bond to share.
--Another conscious bang on the theme nail
"Look, you know things have been…tense since the others returned from Talyn. It's not getting any better, Pip, and it kills me a little more each day to watch it. I'm going to take the module and leave Moya," I explain gently as we near the hangar.
"Hey, that's fine. I can understand that. I'll come with you, it'll be a blast."
--Oh god, everyone’s worst nightmare. John and Chiana loose on the galaxy.
I lock my jaw to prevent every curse I know from issuing out of my mouth. I knew she'd make this hard. The girl loves adventure and travel. She'd jump at the chance to take a break from the closed confines of Moya.
"You don't understand, Pip. I'm not coming back," I say just as we enter the hangar.
Chiana lets the door shut before grabbing my arm. "You mean you're really going to do it? You're gonna fly back through the wormhole to Earp?"
"Earth. And not exactly."
Her hands plant themselves on her hips and I have to suppress a smile. She'd probably kill me if I said that sometimes she does a wonderful imitation of my sister calling me on a stupid idea. "How 'not exactly'?"
--Chiana’s getting pissed. Something bad is going on and she doesn’t like it. And you can see in her face that she’s wondering if she needs to comm. Aeryn and shut the whole thing down.
"I'm going through a wormhole, but I don't think Earth is around to go to anymore."
"So you're just going to fly through a wormhole and see where you end up, once again? That's the most fahrbot…" she trails off as her face registers her realization. "Wait, you know exactly where you're going, don't you? Crichton, after everything we did to rescue you from Scorpius, you better not-,"
And now she’s worried that he’s suiciding.
"Relax, Pip, I'm not going to turn my research services over to Leather-Face. But yeah, I've got a pretty good idea of where I'm going."
"And you aren't coming back. What is it? You know it's not easy to find a place like Moya or people…," she says. Shit, she's going to cry. I know it. I can't watch so I stalk over to the module and hide the currency; hopefully it will be valid wherever I'm headed.
"I know, Pip, and I wish things had worked out differently. But I need to do this. Not just for me," I tell her.
She's standing so close to me that I almost trip over her when I turn around. Her hand cradles my face and I cover it with my own. Her gloves are as soft as I remember. Every muscle in her hand and arm tenses as I watch her eyes flash white briefly. They've been doing that ever since that damn energy rider took over her body. Usually she gets a flash of the near future when it happens.
Just as suddenly, her body relaxes and she reaches out with her other hand to steady herself. "Wow. You're right, you really do need to go," she says with new understanding. "Tell her about all of us after you save her, k?" she requests before kissing my cheek and leaving.
--You know Chiana wasn’t going to let him leave without knowing he was going to be safe. Yet, John isn’t exactly comforted to be told that his dreams aren’t just dreams.
Huh. Guess I'm not losing my mind after all. Somehow, I'm comforted. But most of my packing is done and I still have almost a day left. I can feel the wormhole out there now, a gentle pulse reassuring me occasionally that the ship is traveling in the right direction. I need to get some rest and get Wynona back.
Then I'll be ready.
After a dream-free night (thank you, River, for realizing sleep would be a good thing before flying through an astronomical phenomena), I spend the next day carefully watching the steps of the clone. The DRDs obey my commands and I dog his every movement. Still, Wynona is never far from his reach. It's beginning to look like I'll have to abandon her to TJ when a knock on my locked door interrupts me.
Time to go hunting! Where’s that rascally wabbit?
Seeing the other standing there is a shock, but I recover quickly by throwing a blanket over the vid screen even as I turn it off. "What's up, bro?" I say as I open the door.
Even now, I'm still weirded out to see myself standing in front of me. Do I really make those faces when I'm trying to decide what to say? "I ran into Chiana. D'Argo mentioned she was acting really weird," he says.
--Surreal, much?
"Oh?"
"It took a while, but Aeryn finally got the truth out of her." Aeryn. Frell. I have to hand it to them, they know how run a good double team. Bile rises as I remember what it was like to be a part of it. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You're planning on just taking my module?"
--Again with the theme. Hopefully I didn’t overdo it (I probably shouldn’t be pointing it out so much). And some righteous indignation, cause Browder does it so well.
His vehemence is sudden. I step back from it even as I know he's nowhere as close to swinging as I am. "You mean OUR module! From what I heard, it's not as if it's going to be too hard for you to rebuild it. Yeah, Sparky mentioned that replica from Dam-da-ba and how you have all that knowledge unlocked now. I guess I should just step aside and let you take Aeryn back to Earth even though you didn't have to work at it."
--Don’t ask how TJ surivived…he just did. Plus my protagonist is MJ.
His expression says that he thinks so. I pray that Chiana didn't tell them all of the truth 'cause I'll only get one chance.
--And it’s Chiana on his side backing his game instead of Aeryn. A glimpse of what could have been if MJ could have stood to stay.
"I'm sure as hell not going to let you destroy it with whatever insane scheme you've cooked up. You can stick around until after we build another module. It's not going to kill you to stay another few monens," he declares.
I punch him just as he turns to leave. Having Aeryn, all of her, has made him a tad too relaxed and I easily deliver a flawless Pantak jab. I wince as his head glances off the edge of the bed.
--Score! You know he enjoyed that just a little too much.
Checking the clock, I see that things have actually gone according to plan. I still have a quarter of an arn, check that, a quarter of an hour to make it to the hangar before Chiana ensures that no one follows me. I grab Wynona and return her to her rightful holster. I feel better already.
My celebratory mood lasts only microts. When I reach the hangar, Aeryn is standing in front of the module. This is so not what I need right now. Her eyes briefly flicker down to my hip where my holster is hanging heavy once again. "What? He can't get both of you."
--Theme. And as always, Aeryn’s the only adult.
"It's not a contest, Crichton."
"Right. Somehow I still managed to lose, Sun."
--Burn.
"So that's it then. Things don't go perfectly and you run away?"
--A reference to what Aeryn always does post-TJ.
It hurts to look at her. It will hurt a hell of a lot more to leave the same area of the universe and never see her again. "Yeah, cause I've run away so much. As I recall, that running caused me to get multiple foreign objects lodged in my head."
"Crichton…John, just stay until he gets it copied. It won't be that long." She starts to reach out as she says the words, but I knock her hand away and rapidly move out of striking distance. She might not be mine anymore, but I know just how quick and accurate her punches are.
"Yeah, well maybe it's time that he learns that he can't always have what he wants," I reply.
"Almost there, Old Man. Hang on a microt," Chiana's voice orders.
Aeryn's eyes widen, but I already know she's coming to the wrong conclusion. I'm counting on the fact that she thinks that I would never do anything to damage Moya, and she's right, John wouldn't. But I know in her eyes, I'm just Crichton.
--And theme. And John’s realization of what it will require to make a clean break. Yet he still hopes that Aeryn will forgive him.
The stop is violent. I showed Chiana how to disable Pilot's navigational controls and take manual control of the ship. I also rigged a small device to cripple starburst and the hetch drive as soon as she disables the docking web. I hate leaving them vulnerable, but I tried to limit the scope of damage so that, with a bit of luck, the repairs will be quick.
Chiana's manual stop does the trick. Aeryn pitches forward as she loses her balance. It's simple to push her just enough that her head strikes the side of the module. Now both she and the clone are unconscious. D'Argo might be able to pursue me in Lola, but I hope that my surprises and Chiana will enough stop him.
Out of time, I move Aeryn's body to safety. It's as hard to take my eyes off her face now as it was on the ice planet. "Goodbye, Aeryn Sun."
--I actually teared up writing this. Despite loving Chiana/John, it’s hard to do anything to the Aeryn/John OTP.
The module's control panel is blurry as I begin the ignition sequence, but I ignore it. There's a wormhole out there with my name on it.