The Greatest Fear - Supernatural
May. 10th, 2006 04:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jebbypalitle: The Greatest Fear
author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jebbypal
rating: E - everyone.
warnings: Heavy angst. Spoilers for Asylum and the season finale
Summary: There's one fear that Dean's never outgrown.
A/N: This came to me on the way to work today. Kind of derivative and probably something that's already been done a thousand times, but Dean wouldn't leave me alone. Plus it felt good to have words coming. Unbetaed -- feedback and crit welcome.
Once again, he's all alone except for Sammy. That feeling, that fear, that gripped him the night Dad put Sammy in his arms and ordered him to leave without looking back - it's never left him. Even now, it sits curdling in his gut. He'd been so scared that Dad (and Mom) wouldn't make it out of the burning house and he'd be left all alone with his baby brother. Illogical and unchanging, that fear stayed with him throughout their childhood and was renewed when Sam left for college.
He keeps telling himself that he should be over it. He's not a scared four-year old anymore. But life seems determined to make sure he has to face his greatest fear time and again.
In that damned asylum, he had to worry about his baby brother killing him. He had to face exactly how much buried animosity his brother carried for him. He knew Sam's anger was just as illogical as his own fear, but it didn't make it any less real.
But Sam had stayed. Not for him, Dean didn't fool himself in that. Then again, Dean never really cared why Sam and Dad stayed or went - just that they did.
It hurt that Sam would be so callous that he'd throw away his life just to stop the demon. Dean could only imagine how badly Jesse's death had affected his brother, but he'd never dreamed that Sam would go that far. After all, it was always Sam who talked about what they'd do after. As if they could just walk away and ignore the rest of the evil in the world once they'd taken care of their own personal demons.
They'd walked through a dark place during their last fight with the damn thing. The cost had been a lot more than Dean was willing to pay, and the demon was still out there. All he wanted to do more than anything in the world was to take his brother somewhere safe and tell him to forget the past year. To be safe and stay alive - that's what Dean wanted now. But it would never work. His brother was too much like their dad. Before, maybe, he might have had a chance of convincing him, but not after everything else that's happened.
Dean holds his breath when the monitor registers yet another skip in Sam's heartbeat. The steady hiss of the ventilator continues on through the erratic blips until it the monitor evens out again into a regular rythym.
Leaning closer to his brother's head, Dean ignores his own pain from countless injuries dealt by the demon and the later wreck. "Come on, Sammy, keep fighting. Don't you dare leave me all alone again. I don't," his breath catches as a tear runs down his cheek and Dean decides to be honest with his baby brother. "I can't do this without you. Please Sammy, don't leave me alone."
Too soon, the nurse comes to tell him that the allotted time with his brother is up. It took a lot of begging and pleading to get her to wheel him up to the ICU to visit Sam. Reluctantly, he leaves his place at Sam's side. On the trip back to his room, Dean silently prays to a God that doesn't seem to hear to please not make him face his fear.
author:
jebbypalrating: E - everyone.
warnings: Heavy angst. Spoilers for Asylum and the season finale
Summary: There's one fear that Dean's never outgrown.
A/N: This came to me on the way to work today. Kind of derivative and probably something that's already been done a thousand times, but Dean wouldn't leave me alone. Plus it felt good to have words coming. Unbetaed -- feedback and crit welcome.
Once again, he's all alone except for Sammy. That feeling, that fear, that gripped him the night Dad put Sammy in his arms and ordered him to leave without looking back - it's never left him. Even now, it sits curdling in his gut. He'd been so scared that Dad (and Mom) wouldn't make it out of the burning house and he'd be left all alone with his baby brother. Illogical and unchanging, that fear stayed with him throughout their childhood and was renewed when Sam left for college.
He keeps telling himself that he should be over it. He's not a scared four-year old anymore. But life seems determined to make sure he has to face his greatest fear time and again.
In that damned asylum, he had to worry about his baby brother killing him. He had to face exactly how much buried animosity his brother carried for him. He knew Sam's anger was just as illogical as his own fear, but it didn't make it any less real.
But Sam had stayed. Not for him, Dean didn't fool himself in that. Then again, Dean never really cared why Sam and Dad stayed or went - just that they did.
It hurt that Sam would be so callous that he'd throw away his life just to stop the demon. Dean could only imagine how badly Jesse's death had affected his brother, but he'd never dreamed that Sam would go that far. After all, it was always Sam who talked about what they'd do after. As if they could just walk away and ignore the rest of the evil in the world once they'd taken care of their own personal demons.
They'd walked through a dark place during their last fight with the damn thing. The cost had been a lot more than Dean was willing to pay, and the demon was still out there. All he wanted to do more than anything in the world was to take his brother somewhere safe and tell him to forget the past year. To be safe and stay alive - that's what Dean wanted now. But it would never work. His brother was too much like their dad. Before, maybe, he might have had a chance of convincing him, but not after everything else that's happened.
Dean holds his breath when the monitor registers yet another skip in Sam's heartbeat. The steady hiss of the ventilator continues on through the erratic blips until it the monitor evens out again into a regular rythym.
Leaning closer to his brother's head, Dean ignores his own pain from countless injuries dealt by the demon and the later wreck. "Come on, Sammy, keep fighting. Don't you dare leave me all alone again. I don't," his breath catches as a tear runs down his cheek and Dean decides to be honest with his baby brother. "I can't do this without you. Please Sammy, don't leave me alone."
Too soon, the nurse comes to tell him that the allotted time with his brother is up. It took a lot of begging and pleading to get her to wheel him up to the ICU to visit Sam. Reluctantly, he leaves his place at Sam's side. On the trip back to his room, Dean silently prays to a God that doesn't seem to hear to please not make him face his fear.