Don't Make Me Regret This - Supernatural

[jebbypal]

title: Don't Make Me Regret This
author: jebbypal
Spoilers: Second season premiere.
Rating: teen
unbeta-ed.
314 words

---

Sitting at his brother’s bedside with his father in a room down the hall, Sam realizes something.

This is why he left.

He didn’t know it at the time. He thought he just needed to get away from the hunt and the revenge and live a normal life. But that wasn’t it at all.

He just didn’t want to stick around and watch the only family he has die in a hospital bed like this.

Which is weird, given how he grew up, he thinks. Then again, he’s never known any of his family that’s died in the past. Mom, well, that’s just a bedtime story and an ache that only appeared when he saw his friends with their moms. He vaguely remembers a few holidays with some other relatives, but Dad would never stay more than a few days with them. Especially after Mom’s sister had threatened to take him and Dean away.

Friends, yeah, friends have died before. Other hunters, but he’s never been there to see it happen. Always just heard about it after the fact. He knew a kid in one of his high schools that died in a car wreck. But Sam couldn’t even claim to be his friend.

Yet, it isn’t like he hasn’t ever seen anyone die before. It just wasn’t ever anyone he ever cared about.

Wait, that sounds wrong. He cared, but well, it wasn’t like he’d have sent Christmas cards if they’d lived. Sometimes he wonders how many of the people they’ve helped over the years even remember them. If they met on the street, would they stop to ask Sam about his dad and brother? Or would they walk quickly in the opposite direction to avoid the reminder of other things?

He holds his breath and grits his teeth when the heart monitor skips a beat.

Yeah, this is definitely why he left.

Comments

[mona1347.livejournal.com]

Oh. oh GOD. Fucking GOD, Jebby.

*clutches heart*

This is...I can't even find the right words. All I got is YES and BECAUSE IT'S TRUE and I LOVE YOU.

[frogs-fics.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

Rewatching episodes can be good for the muse:)

[meredevachon]

Here following Mona's rec, and very glad I did.

Lovely look at Sam and how he must have felt. Thank you.

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

*sniff* ouch. oh SAMMY.

[alistra.livejournal.com]

Perfection.

This is canon. *nods* Thank you for sharing!

[greenapricot.livejournal.com]

Oh, Sammy. gah.

[iamstealthyone.livejournal.com]

Nicely done ficlet. Poor Sammy. *hugs him*

[sabaceanbabe.livejournal.com]

Sometimes he wonders how many of the people they’ve helped over the years even remember them. If they met on the street, would they stop to ask Sam about his dad and brother? Or would they walk quickly in the opposite direction to avoid the reminder of other things?

You know this is something that must prey heavily on all their minds, and yet they still keep on helping.

Brava!

[lark_ascends]

Wow. So right.

Found via the rec at the newsletter.

[poisontaster]

I read this what feels like ages ago and I've had it open on a tab to leave feedback, but...well. We all know I'm a bad person, right?

Still heartbreaking on the second read. *hugs you* Oh, SAM.

[frogs-fics.livejournal.com]

You want to know the funny thing -- when I wrote this, I felt it was oh so derivative etc etc....well, I finally figured out why. I forgot I wrote a similar piece w/ Dean sitting at Sam's bedside back after the s1 finale!! *shakes head* I don't why my brain only goes to the "poor abandoned angsty brother" place in ALL my supernatural fics. Especially since, while it was the overriding fear in my childhood, I've NEVER been abandoned in any sense like that.

Thanks for getting back to the feedback, ms a personality:)