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Title: Fanfic Writers are only a Little Evil
genre: Supernatural crack!fic meta
authors: [ profile] jebbypal and [ profile] azuremonkey
Rating: completely gen. The word clown is mentioned, but no one wearing facepaint actually appears therein.

a/n: Heee, this just had to be done. Azuremonkey and I will now spend the rest of our lives on the run from [ profile] poisontaster and [ profile] mona1347 while performing many dark sacrifices to prevent the goddess [ profile] luridmuse from striking our muses dead. Azure has been waiting for me to beta this for a bit now, but I had the feeling that a lot of people on our flist needed some crack fic today.

Dean smacked Sam on the head. "All the tables in this bar and you sit down next to two authors? What the hell is wrong with you, son? Your brain missing?"

Sam rubbed his head while simultaneously trying to wave away the feather currently tickling his neck. "I was kinda hoping that if I ignored them long enough, they'd go away."

Dean rolled his eyes. His baby brother had the smarts to go to Stanford, but absolutely no street smarts. Stupid Hollywood writers. He glared at the two women wielding very long feathers. "Scram," he growled in what he hoped was a scary voice. He winced when they let out a joyous squee. "This is your fault," he told Sam.

Sam finally yanked the feathers away and Dean smiled as the two women pouted at their loss. "So are you two just bored, or did your muses ditch ya?" Dean asked.

Both fangirls grabbed at the salt shaker and hurriedly threw grains over their shoulders before knocking furiously on the wooden table. "For god’s sakes, be careful what you say in the meta, or we might not be very nice to you when we leave," the blonde one said.

Sam held up his hands. "Look, we got off on the wrong foot. You know who we are. Who are you and what brings you to this corner of our ....?" Sam looked at Dean for help, but his brother just shrugged.

"Meta, 'Verse, fandom, whatever," the brunette replied. "It's really quite simple, just a small favor," she continued as she set a piece of paper on the table.

The blonde nodded. "Jebbypal and Azuremonkey," she said, pointing at first herself and then her friend. Dean thought their names were pretty odd, but then again, they were fangirls. It went without saying. "We just need you to sign this paper attesting that in your experience as demon hunters, clowns are in no way, shape, or form, evil."

"And then take a picture with us," Azuremonkey added.

Dean looked over when Sam jumped back from the table. "What is it, dude?"

"Did you hear them? They're in league with them," Sam replied.

"Huh? I mean, yeah, stupid little thing, but it gets us points with fic-writers. Think of how many not-broken arms, not-torture sessions, and just plain gen buddy fics that little piece of paper will buy us," Dean said.

"But, Dean. CLOWNS," Sam practically shouted. "That's not little. And it's not - not evil either."

Dean scoffed. "It's just makeup, Sammy. And cute little horns." He shook his head. In the background he could swear he heard one of the girls mumble, "and sex." Even he shuddered at the thought of white makeup and sex. That was just wrong.

Dean stood up when he noticed his brother stand a little straighter. The bar had grown quiet during their conversation and now he noticed that all the patrons were standing totally still. Across the room, a column of light filtered in from the open door as a column of five people entered. Suddenly, the five attacked everyone standing near them and the bar erupted in a pandemonium of blood and screaming.

"Crap, I didn't think the censors would find us this fast," Jebbypal said as she grabbed Dean's jacket. He looked over to see Azuremonkey doing the same with Sam. "Back way out?" jebbypal asked. Dean pointed as he struggled to get his gun out and ready.

"Don't bother," Azuremonkey said. "They wouldn't have been sent if they weren't immune to salt."

"Ah, crap," Dean said.

Sam just looked at him and shook his head. "I told you, Dean. Clowns. That always means evil is around somewhere."

The four of them ran out the back door and through the alley. Dean tried talking, but Jebbypal just shook his jacket lapel and yelled, "Run now, ask questions later."

Sam didn't bother questioning any of it. He wanted out and he wasn't happy that the two fangirls were still with them. He made a beeline straight for the Impala.

"Get in," Dean said.

"Wait… what?" Sam asked. "No, Dean, they're the cause of this," he pointed at the women who were huffing a little from the run. The short brunette was clearly worried about being left behind. Good.

"Man, I am surprised at you. I can't believe you would throw them to the wolves." The blonde nodded at Dean's words. "What happened to protecting the innocent, little brother?"

"Those two are NOT innocent."

"There's a way to find out," Dean said.

"Could you make it quick?" Jebbypal asked. "If you hadn’t noticed, we're kind of on the run here."

"Right. Either of you two ever write that Win… stuff, you now, that Win…" Dean was completely unable to finish the question.

"No," Azuremonkey said.

"You sure?" Dean asked in his surliest big brother commanding voice.

"Well… ," Jebbypal started, blushing a little.

"No," Azuremonkey said firmly. The two exchanged glances and then the brunette whispered, "Hello? A ride in the Metallicar," which seemed to satisfy the other one.

"Right, let's go," Dean said sliding into the driver's seat.

"Wait, I still think—" before Sam could finish his sentence, both girls jumped into the backseat, and at least one squeed just a little.

Sam slammed the door hard when he got in. Dean gunned the gas and the car sped forward.

"Start talking," Sam said, settling in sideways to get a good view of both his brother and the passengers in the backseat.

"They were henchmen, probably hired by either Mona or PT," Jebbypal started.

"Definitely PT," Azuremonkey said. "Mona's probably under her desk, clutching her head and moaning about the whole clown!sex thing."

"You're right. PT sent them to stop the clown talk."

"So, this is your fault?" Sam said, glaring pointedly at Dean in a "See? I'm right," kind of way.

"Sort of," Jebbypal said.

"Kind of," Azuremonkey hedged.

"PT?" Dean asked.


The brothers exchanged a look.

"Heard of her?"

"Poisontaster and Mona? Yeah, they're known around here." Sam worried the bottom of his lip, lost in thought.

"Look, just sign the paper and we'll leave."

"And what happens to those goons back there?" Dean asked.

"Oh, they're probably long gone." Azuremonkey smiled. "Problem solved. Just sign at the bottom and we'll be gone, too."

The car came to a screeching stop. Dean turned around in his seat and
pulled back when he saw the brunette leaning over to smell his
jacket. "We sign, you're gone?"

"Yes," Azuremonkey said, blushing.

"And the henchmen?" Sam asked.

"Never existed." Jebbypal thrust the paper out to them.

First Dean signed and then Sam reluctantly followed suit after pausing a long time to read the paper until Dean yelled, "Sammy!" impatiently.

"Here," Sam handed the paper back as if it were a python. "Now get out."

"We can't just leave them out here, in the middle of nowhere," Dean protested.

"They're fanfic writers, they'll just write themselves a car or something."

"How about the picture?" Azuremonkey shook the digital camera in her hand like it was a tambourine.

"No," both brothers said in unison.

She pouted as she climbed out of the car. "Please?" But neither was listening.

Jebbypal got out, smug. "Thanks." Both turned to go and then Jebbypal stopped. "By the way, we're leaving and the guys at the bar have disappeared, more then likely."

"'More than likely'?" Dean repeated. "But you said—"

"You should be warned though," she continued, "that Poisontaster and Mona are probably on their way."

Azuremonkey nodded. "Yeah, and they'll be fighting mad."

They cheerfully waved and said, "Bye!" and disappeared around the bend in the road.

"I'm telling you Dean, nothing good can come from helping out fanfic writers. Nothing."

Dean put the car in gear and eased off the side of the road. He drove slowly, looking for the women, no doubt. But both had vanished. "I'm beginning to believe you, Sam."

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-21 03:55 pm (UTC)
ext_33518: (Axis of Evil)
From: [identity profile]
Hee-hee-ha-ha. For mine is an EVIL laugh!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-06-21 05:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
:giggle snort:

Ah, this made my day. Thank you.


jebbypal: (Default)

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