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Title: Thou Shalt Not Covet
Author: [livejournal.com profile] jebbypal
Character: River
Rating: E - everyone
Spoilers and Warnings: none
Word count: 293
Un-betaed, all mistakes are my own.

Originally posted to [livejournal.com profile] 20weeks

Some days River watches them all. The pity and sorrow eats through her skin and only makes the nausea worse. They think they hide it so well. They think she'd need to be able to read their minds to know how much they felt for poor, crazy River.

She knows pain of her lost potential well. She struggles daily with frustration at being unable to communicate the smallest symbol to the person who used to be able to finish her sentences. Her insults fall on deaf ears, her jokes are inscrutable. She is shut out of the family, alone in her head. Always alone.

She can even find time to feel jealous of Jayne the man-ape. For all his faults, he can participate in the give-and-take of the crew. He can contribute and enjoy easy camaraderie with his companions while every moment she manages to connect with Kaylee is always fragile and fleeting. She is always destined to lose step with the music she can no longer hear and scare the pretty bird away.

Mal and Inara, though, they infuriate her. They can't see that they already have something together that only a miracle will ever allow her to experience. The children are too caught up in their differences and the labels that society has branded on them to see their kindred spirit. Given that they have both succeeded at living outside of the normal conventions, she can't even find time to push aside her envy to pity them. Really, they deserve each other.

No one realizes how often she fights with the color green, how often she longs to strike out at them. To punish them for everything she no longer possesses and fears may always be just out of her grasp.

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August 2017

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