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Title: Stupid Human Games
Author: [livejournal.com profile] jebbypal
written for [livejournal.com profile] poisontaster
Set sometime Season 1 since I'm still unsure where she is in the series.

No warnings, suitable for all ages.


D'argo watched with interest as Crichton bent over the metal sphere. "Exactly what do you suppose he is doing?" he asked Aeryn.

She looked up briefly from the console she was working on to look at Crichton's odd stance in the corridor outside of command. "As if anyone knows what a human's intent is? All I know, if he breaks another yontog doing it, I'll help the DRDs solder him to a wall."

D'argo laughed at the image of John suspended on one of Moya's wall. Of course, it wasn't a bad idea. If the human was out of the way, they might be able to fix something without him breaking it again as he attempted to figure out how it worked. "How did he explain the last two?"

"A pucking accident," Aeryn answered.

From the corridor, a deep sigh could be heard. "Putting! A putting accident. Which I will have again if you two don't shut up," John said.

"Putting," D'argo pronounced. An odd word. "And the purpose of putting is?"

"To get a golf ball into a hole."

D'argo looked at Aeryn and mouthed the word "hole". She just shrugged.

"It's an aspect of a game of finesse and accuracy. A small ball is hit across many metras until the player manages to putt it into a hole a few centis in diameter," John explained.

"Well, that's just stupid. Why don't they just hit it into the hole on the first try?" Aeryn asked.

"Because it's played outside, on a planet, in the elements. One has to account for wind speed, the hardness of the ground, length of the grass," John answered as he finally abandoned his task and joined them in Command. "Also, you don't shoot the ball from a gun, but hit it with a metal stick. Muscle control, coordination, and accounting for outside factors all play against the chance to hit a hole-in-one."

Aeryn shook her head. "Sounds like a sport that is only challenging for humans. Besides, where's the fun in hitting a ball in a hole?"

"Perhaps the loser is then clubbed to death?" D'argo suggested.

"No! No one dies, there aren't any explosions. There's not even any body contact."

"Sounds like a frelling stupid game to me," Aeryn said. "Now, if you're done with the yonton, I need it to unclog the amnexus chambers."

John handed the requested item with an eyeroll. "I suppose for Sebaceans and Luxans, if no one dies or gets frelled, there's no entertainment."

D'argo shook his head and returned to examining the data on Moya's sensors as he answered, "I don't know. There's always raslak."

The end
A/N: Just for FYI, this idea came to me as I watched Beware the Dog. I just wondered what everyone made of John hitting the metal ball with the stick.

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